A gruff male with the pleasantly old-timey name of Booker DeWitt travels by rocket chair to Columbia, a flying city where people make 20 second recordings of their deepest secrets and leave them lying around in cupboards. He has been sent to retrieve a woman named Elizabeth, who has the magical ability to summon a box full of first aid kits from an alternate dimension.

Booker wanders around in awe, observing the racist population as they throw machine gun ammunition in the trash and stare silently at nothing. But his sightseeing is cut short when a policeman tries to grab him and he's forced to explode 1000 heads with a giant rotating hook in self-defence.

After exploding enough heads, Booker is taken to an alternate reality where the underclass of Columbia has risen up in rebellion. "These revolutionaries are as bad as their racist oppressors," says the deadliest serial killer in the history of human civilization, "because they are violent." Fortunately, the entire setting is erased from existence and nothing of consequence ever happens. Metacritic rating 95 (94 on Xbox).

Brendan Patrick Hennessy, 8 April 2013